Wednesday 22 March 2006, 6:37
The older I get the more I appreciate the significance of that word, FRIEND.
When your young and your world is so small, friends can easily be taken for granted. In your limited experience of what the world is all about, the preciousness of friendship has nothing to be compared to and like looking a velvet at night, you just can't see what it is you have.
But as I get older, I'm learning to see what magic it is to find people that for no other reason than just WHO THEY ARE, you love them. Who's very existence is a blessing to this world. People who as your peers make you smile. Not because of the indefinable bond of family, not because of fame or fortune, not because of beauty or desire.... just because of who they are, you love them.
I've been blessed with a handful of such people in my life but non more than my two favorite girls in all the world. One I see so rarely, but my love for her is no less. The other I speak to almost daily and I can't imagine my life without her. They are both very different but they do have some things in common.
They make me laugh, they make me proud, they make me believe that life can be beautiful.
For Dweenie and my Little Star.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Change
Sunday 19 March 2006, 1:17am
I've been looking for change and now it has found me.
I have to pick up and move again and as usual I don't want to. Who would? I hate moving. It's right up there with starting a new job, breaking up with someone, loosing a pet, fighting with those you love... At least I have some warning. Or is that, unfortunately I have months ahead of me to worry about it?
July - I'll be moving in winter. At least the weather will match my mood no doubt. I can hear a little bird whistling in my ear saying, "Come to Perth"
I never feel like I know what to do. My mother has sight and has dreams that tell her what's coming and what to do. I wish I had it. Where should I go? What should I do??
I've been looking for change and now it has found me.
I have to pick up and move again and as usual I don't want to. Who would? I hate moving. It's right up there with starting a new job, breaking up with someone, loosing a pet, fighting with those you love... At least I have some warning. Or is that, unfortunately I have months ahead of me to worry about it?
July - I'll be moving in winter. At least the weather will match my mood no doubt. I can hear a little bird whistling in my ear saying, "Come to Perth"
I never feel like I know what to do. My mother has sight and has dreams that tell her what's coming and what to do. I wish I had it. Where should I go? What should I do??
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Time
Wednesday 15 March 2006 2:07pm
Time just keeps ticking along. No matter how much we want it to speed up, slow down, go back, it just moves along at it's indefinable pace.
And sometimes I look at all that's happened and passed in the last 12 months or even 6 months and it's SO much. Yet here I am. Not much different, not much has changed.
How do you measure personal growth? How do you even know there has been any? Maybe I'm just flattering myself to think that something has come out of all this. Time ticks on and on and on and maybe it's just human arrogance to think that I'm not standing in the exact same place I was before. My sister likes to remind me that the world doesn't revolve around me, but maybe it does? Maybe it swirls around me, indifferent to my whims, emotions, existence. My body grows old, deteriorating, crumbling like a sandstone cliff and time continues as if nothing.
Others don't stand still. Others have an impact on other peoples lives, on humanity as we know it. Do they feel as insignificant as I?
Time just keeps ticking along. No matter how much we want it to speed up, slow down, go back, it just moves along at it's indefinable pace.
And sometimes I look at all that's happened and passed in the last 12 months or even 6 months and it's SO much. Yet here I am. Not much different, not much has changed.
How do you measure personal growth? How do you even know there has been any? Maybe I'm just flattering myself to think that something has come out of all this. Time ticks on and on and on and maybe it's just human arrogance to think that I'm not standing in the exact same place I was before. My sister likes to remind me that the world doesn't revolve around me, but maybe it does? Maybe it swirls around me, indifferent to my whims, emotions, existence. My body grows old, deteriorating, crumbling like a sandstone cliff and time continues as if nothing.
Others don't stand still. Others have an impact on other peoples lives, on humanity as we know it. Do they feel as insignificant as I?
Friday, March 10, 2006
Fully sick
Friday 10th March 2006, 7:40
Nothing like a bout of illness to reduce you to your basic instinctual self. All consideration for others evaporates as we sulk, and mope, and convalesce.
All I want is a giant box of soft tissues, a cup of tea, chicken soup and someone to pat my head.
Will have to settle for a regular box of tissues, suedoefedrine, and pork sausages.
:(
Nothing like a bout of illness to reduce you to your basic instinctual self. All consideration for others evaporates as we sulk, and mope, and convalesce.
All I want is a giant box of soft tissues, a cup of tea, chicken soup and someone to pat my head.
Will have to settle for a regular box of tissues, suedoefedrine, and pork sausages.
:(
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
And again...
Wednesday 8th March 2006, 10:43
When wading through the sea of sadness you sometimes think you've found your feet when in fact it was just a little sand bar, large enough to let you catch your breath but there's still a long way to shore.
I've fallen in to the deep again and I feel so close to running out of strength. I want to roll over and float in the sun. I want to forget I'm drowning. I want to close my eyes for a while, drifting over and under the waves, drifting where ever this sea will take me. It's a dangerous place to be but right now I don't care. Right now I just want to sleep.
When wading through the sea of sadness you sometimes think you've found your feet when in fact it was just a little sand bar, large enough to let you catch your breath but there's still a long way to shore.
I've fallen in to the deep again and I feel so close to running out of strength. I want to roll over and float in the sun. I want to forget I'm drowning. I want to close my eyes for a while, drifting over and under the waves, drifting where ever this sea will take me. It's a dangerous place to be but right now I don't care. Right now I just want to sleep.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Fog
Tuesday 7th Mach 2006, 1:32am
I could start philosophying about the condition of humankind or the intricacies of my reality in the context of our society. Or I could just tell it like it is.
I'm tired, I'm drunk, and I could really do with a shag.
I could start philosophying about the condition of humankind or the intricacies of my reality in the context of our society. Or I could just tell it like it is.
I'm tired, I'm drunk, and I could really do with a shag.
Where to now?
Thursday 2nd March 2006
Didn't we do this already?
Didn't we already go through the life changing sadness and greif and hopelessness that was 'sent' to us to make us stronger?
Christian friends like to remind me that if God will provide for a sparrow, he will provide for me. But you know what, I've seen a lot of dead sparrows around the place - lying half mawled on the side of the road, or on a foot path like yesterdays trash. It would be nice to be offered something a little more reassuring to place my faith in.
Scarlet O'Hara saw hope in the sunrise and the promise that tomorrow is another day. I find that as comforting as knowing that the ocean will always be wet.
So what now? Where do you go from this sad place? Do you follow the same path out of the pit that you took last time? Or was that part of the mess that got you into this sad place? Where the fuck is my heart's owners manual?
Didn't we do this already?
Didn't we already go through the life changing sadness and greif and hopelessness that was 'sent' to us to make us stronger?
Christian friends like to remind me that if God will provide for a sparrow, he will provide for me. But you know what, I've seen a lot of dead sparrows around the place - lying half mawled on the side of the road, or on a foot path like yesterdays trash. It would be nice to be offered something a little more reassuring to place my faith in.
Scarlet O'Hara saw hope in the sunrise and the promise that tomorrow is another day. I find that as comforting as knowing that the ocean will always be wet.
So what now? Where do you go from this sad place? Do you follow the same path out of the pit that you took last time? Or was that part of the mess that got you into this sad place? Where the fuck is my heart's owners manual?
It's a new day, it's a new dawn...
6th March 2006 9:11am
Isn't it amazing how suddenly things can change. Where one minute you think you might never smile again, the next something or someone comes into your life and you smile, sometimes inspite of yourself.
Not that the pain or sadness you were experiencing before is forgotten or magically lifted, but sometimes we're remind that our small little pile of needs, wants, and emotions is just that, a small little pile of goo. Despite what our hearts want us to believe we are NOT the centre of the universe. Life as we know it, in the greater scheme of things, will not be cease to exist because we are unhappy. And sometimes things fall in our way to remind us of that.
In the whirlpool of sadness that can catch us and swirl into to the hopeless spin of depression, there is sometimes a branch stretched out to help us that if we just look up we'll see.
This weekend I've had three little branches slow my spin: A little white dog, a hearse and confirmation that a friendship may have survived the pruning off of a relationship.
Thanks to 8Bit, Morticia, and MagicBoy.
Tish
Isn't it amazing how suddenly things can change. Where one minute you think you might never smile again, the next something or someone comes into your life and you smile, sometimes inspite of yourself.
Not that the pain or sadness you were experiencing before is forgotten or magically lifted, but sometimes we're remind that our small little pile of needs, wants, and emotions is just that, a small little pile of goo. Despite what our hearts want us to believe we are NOT the centre of the universe. Life as we know it, in the greater scheme of things, will not be cease to exist because we are unhappy. And sometimes things fall in our way to remind us of that.
In the whirlpool of sadness that can catch us and swirl into to the hopeless spin of depression, there is sometimes a branch stretched out to help us that if we just look up we'll see.
This weekend I've had three little branches slow my spin: A little white dog, a hearse and confirmation that a friendship may have survived the pruning off of a relationship.
Thanks to 8Bit, Morticia, and MagicBoy.
Tish
Friday, March 03, 2006
Me me me...
Yeah that's right, this is not one of those interesting, witty, social commentary, designed to make you think kinda blogs. Or one of those heartwarming, full life lived, memoir sharing ones either.
This is one of those writing-is-cheaper-than-therapy, navel gazing, self-obsessed, boring as fuck, poor little me blogs.
So there. Now you can't disappointed.
Tish
This is one of those writing-is-cheaper-than-therapy, navel gazing, self-obsessed, boring as fuck, poor little me blogs.
So there. Now you can't disappointed.
Tish
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