The Wind Changed

Sydney in December is full of hot sultry days that bear down on you with the intense weight of megalitres of water suspended in the air, just waiting to turn oppressive humidity into bucketing rain in a wisp of a breeze.

The pressure builds up headaches, grumpiness, discomfort, intollerance, impatience, tears, sadness, loneliness..... or something like that.

You don't always see the change coming. Sometimes the rain catches you by surprise and all of a sudden you find yourself in the pouring rain dashing in any direction to get out of it.

But sometimes you stop. Sometimes you feel the big round pellets of water slapping you on the face and realise the rain is not to be feared and cursed, its' warm and comforting and it's washing way all the bad you've been feeling. Sometimes you take a deep breath and smile when you realise that maybe this was not what you had planned, but that's ok. It will all be ok after all.




He made me cry. He broke my heart and walked away and made me feel so unbearably sad that I couldn't even say his name. Then one night the wind changed. He chased me down the street, called out my name and begged for another chance. I didn't want to hear that. I felt like after all the pain he had just put me through, now he was just going to hurt me some more with a different kind of torture - hope. But I stopped and against my own instincts that tell you to run from pain I stood and I listened. And I found that I did still love him and I did want this hope. This was not what I had planned but maybe it would all be ok after all.

In 6 days we collect the keys to our new home. It's been a long time since I called a place home, other than my mum's place. There are still some difficult steps to get through, but we always new it wouldn't be easy.

It's more than just "being in love". "Being in love" a feeling that comes and goes and wanes with time. What we have is more than that. I love him and he loves me. We're going to remember that and every day take care to nurture our love and build our home.

I'm so excited to start building own my family. And hopefully some day watch it grow.

Silliness

Who would have thought there is so much garlic butter in Japanese cooking? Or that breast can be used to catch raw eggs?

Did you know soup pot's will keep cool even when filled with puke? And veranda roofs look beautiful as you heave a night's worth of tequila down on to them form two floors up.

Guitar Hero is indeed the coolest game ever - maybe because it really does keep you rocking all night long. The best natural upper I've felt in years.

Friends who elope, old friends who flatter you, friends with hot son's who pimp them out to you. Enormous pots of guacamole, turkish toast with butter, late night coffee, dinner at Soul, house parties, cups of tea with your mum, quoting lines from Pulp Fiction, cafe breakfast that lasts for hours and hours and hours.

This has not been the birthday month I would have chosen, but November has been a good month. I'm surrounded by wonderful people who have made me think, made me laugh, and let me cry. I miss my man every day - but I am eternally grateful for those I have around me.