I Try

So we are supposed to not be seeing each other anymore.
I love him, he loves me, but he says it just can't happen.

So I go out tonight with the express intention of doing something to get him out of my head. I find some friends, I drink some beers, I smoke some weed and I set out to flirting my arse off with everyone and anyone.

But I just can't get him out of my head.

I dance, I shmooz, I even have a party pash. NOthing. I try really hard to fake enough interest in some random so that I might be tempted to go home with him. NOthing. I end up playing mother to some friends who will otherwise spend the night in the gutter then I come home and try again not to think about him. I can't help myself.

Some people tell me I can do better. Some people tell me time will heal this broken heart. Some people tell me it just wasn't meant to be. It's just noise to me. All I know is I love him and I miss him and nothing I do makes the pain any more bearable.

I just wish he would come back to me and love me for ever. Is that so much to ask for?

Crash!

Again! I've crashed my Nyx again!
This time no other vehicle involved, just a train rail deciding to force a change in direction. An elbow, a knee, a mud guard, all pretty badly bashed. Fixable and not broken, but sore and sorry.

Don't want to talk about it anymore...

And once again...

I am strong

I am strong &
I am independent

I am strong
I am independent &
I am respected

I am strong
I am independent
I am respected &
I am resourceful

I have to remember this.