That Niggerly Itch

There is sunshine today. Thank god for SUNSHINE!!

Miserable rain has been falling on Sydney for what feels like an eternity. The roads are flooded, the house is leaking, and I haven't been to the beach for way too long. But today there is sunshine and the world feels like a better place for it.

I'll see my Viejito today too. Things are progressing slowly with us but progressing nonetheless. We are not living together yet which I would have liked but sometimes these things can't be helped. I will be patient for now and trust that the things that need to happen will happen.

I was looking through some photos for the National Scooter Rally we attended a few weeks ago. Sometimes I see us for a second how we must appear to others who don't know us. Sometimes for a spilt second I can see why some people just don't get us. But then I try to imagine myself with someone else, someone who fits the mould closer to what would be expected as a partner for me. And I can't imagine anyone who comes close to making me laugh like my man does, or who makes me smile or feel as good as he does. It might not make sense but it works. And anyone who doesn't like it can just deal with it.

But there is something else on my mind. I can't put my finger on it but there is something that is bothering me like a mozzie bite on your hand. You can't quite see it, and sometimes you're not even sure it's there but you find yourself scratching and being irritated without even realising you're doing it. I don't think it's work, I don't think it's love, it's something small that is playing on the back of my mind and won't come forward or disappear till I find it.

I hope what ever it is surfaces soon. When I feel like this all I want to do is consume. Drugs, food, money - whatever, I just want to go all out when I feel like this and I'm in no position to be indulging in any at the moment.

But today there is sunshine and for today nothing will bother me. I'll see mi Viejito and go for a ride in the warms and soak up as much of the city in summer I can, just for today.