The Children

I spent a few days up in Cooranbong with Mabel and the kids this weekend. Joshi had a school excursion to Australian Reptile Park and when his mum and dad told him they couldn't come with him he burst out crying. Joshi doesn't cry often about things like that so Mabel did the first thing a good parent would do - she called an Aunty to come help.

Josh, Jie and I got the school bus from Joshi's school to the park. Jie isn't in school yet but he is still allowed to go with his brothers to this sort of thing.

Joshi is so self sufficient it's difficult to imagine him caring weather or not he had a grown up there with him or not. He's cheeky and mischeivious and clever and quick. He already knows the names of almost all the animals and just about every fact I can think of quizzing him about them. He pays attention to the animal presentations and asks funny and relevant questions whilst all the while wiggling and playing on the fence. He's happy to run off on his own or include me or his brother or classmates in his adventures. I see him almost like an old man given a boys body to play in again. I guess this is what people mean when they describe someone as an old soul. Joshi is a beautiful soul.

Jie is a spirited little thing too. Tempered by being quite little still and also the youngest but he's still got a very strong character. He can be playful and sweet or grumpy and moody in equal measures. He's fun to be with but I think he will be a lot more fun as he gets older. Unlike Joshi, his dark moods can last longer but I think a little self discipline will go a long way there and I'm confident his mum will teach it to him.

Jakie on the other hand is quite different to his brothers. He is such a sensitive little thing but he tries to cover it with a facarde of blustering bossiness which just makes it worse. I guess with his brothers being such strong characters, maybe he feels that he has to do this to assert himself over them? I'm not sure but I do know that his combination of bossiness and sookiness is not appealing and that's from someone who already knows him and loves him. I worry that he's not doing himself any favours when it comes to making friends. I saw him in the playground with the the boomerang he brought for show and tell. He showed it to some friends but when they asked to hold it he smiled and said 'No!' turned his back on them and walked away. The little thrill he might be getting from be withholding will only last as long as he has 'something' that the others want - and then what?

But I love all of them. They are such wonderful little people and they are my family.

It makes me think about what my children will be like. Will they like my nephews? Will they be like them? Will I instinctively know how to help them be the best they can be? Will I stuff them up more than help them? Will I still remember what it was like to be that age?

We climbed up a steep hill, Mabel and I and the kids. And at the top there was this beautiful flat rock where you could stand right on the edge and look down. And I was so terrified that the kids would fall, but at the same time I could remember the sense of awe and invincibility that I felt years ago when I found a rock just like this and stood on the edge, looking down on the world below like I could do anything! I couldn't let my fear - rational or otherwise - deprive them of that feeling. You can never get it in exactly the same way when you grow up. So I watched and fretted and tried to draw their attention to the little details like the colours and the textures, hoping that if they paid attention to that they might also notice how close they were to the edge and not get too close.