Running Low on Patience

My patience levels are running low. They are never high at the best of times but right now they are being pushed to extremes.

I find one of the hardest things to deal with is knowing the difference between me being unreasonable and when he is. When am I being a sook and when is he just asking too much?

Is it too much to ask that he calls me when he says he will? What if I know he's not feeling well and I find he'd sent me a text earlier that evening to say he wasn't going to call? At least he texted right? But if he had the time to text he could have just bloody well called for a few seconds, right?

And what about the fact we still don't have a date for moving in together? He said after Christmas, then it was after I get this sorted, and then that sorted, but don't worry it'll be before the middle of the year. But now it's almost the end of May and the middle of the year will soon be here and still we don't have a date, still he leaves me at 4am to go home, still I have to rely on phone calls from him to say goodnight.

I am trying so hard to be patient. I really really am. I said I would be and I'm trying with all my heart and soul to trust him and be patient. And after all, why wouldn't I trust him? He rides in the wet and the cold to come see me. He comes out with me to parties even when he's sick as a dog and would rather be in bed. I know he loves me with all his heart, I know he does.

Am I being irrational? Or is he just asking too much? I feel like we are at a make or break point. If we can make it onto the path we're aiming for, if we get to move in together and start to build a life together I think we will be amazing. But I fear that the longer we wait here at the starting blocks, the longer it takes to get started, the more we risk just falling apart.

I'm so scared that we'll fall apart before we get a chance to begin. I will never forgive myself if we don't give "US" the chance we deserve. But I also know I don't have the patience to wait forever and this waiting game is killing me.